Refiner's fire, my heart's one desire,
Is to be-- holy, set apart for You, Lord.
I choose to be-- holy,
Set apart for You, my Master,
Ready to do Your will.
This is a segment of the song "Refiner's Fire" by Brian Doerksen. This is a song we always sang in church growing up. I love this song.
I Feel like the Lord is bringing me through the fire once more. He never said it wouldn't hurt, but he did promise to have his hand over me. Today has been a day of confusion and pain. I am so confused of where my life is going right now. The Lord seems to be bringing me in and out of this maze. There is so much deep down in my spirit that I want for my life, and I don't see it on this path. I am not in control and that is tough. I have to trust that He will guide me through this winding maze. What is so awesome about God bringing me through the fire, is that it hurts, but He won't let go of me. He has given me so much peace today, that which truly surpasses understanding. He is with me and guiding me, and most importantly, He is holding me!
In this fire, I am learning to let go of my life and let God hold me in there as long as he needs to. I look at where my spirit wants to be, and I am not there. I yearn to be apart of Celebration Center, the Lord is bringing them through so much, and moving them out into the streets. I long to be part of the prayer movement back in Redlands. A prayer movement that is almost 24/7! Why God! Why can't be apart of that? I even would love to be in Redding or in Kansas City at the international house of prayer. I want to shout to the crowds and proclaim the Lord's Victories!
So Why do He have me here? What am I to do? What can I bring? ...nothing.
nothing without You. I am poor Lord. I lack! I fail! I need you! Lord I had such a passion for prayer on this campus. But how come it isn't happening? God where did that passion go? I know it is still there, I can feel it deep down. Stir it up Lord. I want to be apart of these great ministries at other places, but why can't I look at where I am now and see a vision of prayer here at Cal State? I lack Lord. I fail.
Purify my heart, oh Lord! Cleanse me from deep within. Bring me through the Refiner's fire. My heart's one desire is to be holy and set apart for you, my Master, you my King, you My God! I want to be ready to do your will.
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2 comments:
Thanks Cormack! I appreciate your encouragement. I love it that we don't need to know everything! We just do what we know to do, trust Him and His promises, and give it all up to Him.
How beautiful is that.
We can rest among the trials and just be.
Jessica, thank you for being so honest and pouring out your hopes, concerns and fears. You are such an amazing person with a heart for God who wants to do His will. You thirst so much for God, but you want even more. That is so cool. Be patient through the fires of refinement, God is molding you into even a greater woman. We all lack, we all fail, I fail, but it is God who gives us the strength to continue on.
Wondering where your life is going can be very tough. The unknown is scary, and though trusting God is so easy, it is so difficult to just do. Jesus wants us to cast all cares upon Him, its just His patience is SOOOO much better than ours, and in the process it refines our patience and faith.
What stands out to me most in that song is being set aside for God. We live in a society that is so disposable, and we can rent pricey things without the responsibility of ownership. Everything is used on a whim and nothing is set aside for special occasions anymore it seems. God wants our hearts capative towards Him first. We need to set aside our goals, our desires, our heart, in the process, setting ourselves aside for God first, and THEN He will give us the desires of our heart. But the desires of our heart will be the desires of His heart. Holy and pure desires to enrich not only our lives, but the lives of others, all while serving God in the process. Holiness is an ongoing process. It's easy to hope for the Rapture and have it all over, but it is this refinement process that God wants us to go through.
The cool thing about prayer, is that it can be done from ANYWHERE! It's the ultimate wireless! How sad it must feel when you pray constantly and nothing happens. But think back to the past about something you prayed about, and God kept saying "no" or "wait". He says wait a lot. But again, His timing is perfect, and when he stops saying wait, it is at the perfect time and is even better than we could have planned. It's that unveiling that God does and then we realize just what he had up his sleeve. Great things take time to complete, and to think, Jesus said he went to prepare a place for us, and that was 2000 years ago!
Long reply, but, you know...life can be sometimes hard to sum up. God is cool like that.
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