Refiner's Fire

Refiner's fire, my heart's one desire,
Is to be-- holy, set apart for You, Lord.
I choose to be-- holy,
Set apart for You, my Master,
Ready to do Your will.

This is a segment of the song "Refiner's Fire" by Brian Doerksen. This is a song we always sang in church growing up. I love this song.

I Feel like the Lord is bringing me through the fire once more. He never said it wouldn't hurt, but he did promise to have his hand over me. Today has been a day of confusion and pain. I am so confused of where my life is going right now. The Lord seems to be bringing me in and out of this maze. There is so much deep down in my spirit that I want for my life, and I don't see it on this path. I am not in control and that is tough. I have to trust that He will guide me through this winding maze. What is so awesome about God bringing me through the fire, is that it hurts, but He won't let go of me. He has given me so much peace today, that which truly surpasses understanding. He is with me and guiding me, and most importantly, He is holding me!

In this fire, I am learning to let go of my life and let God hold me in there as long as he needs to. I look at where my spirit wants to be, and I am not there. I yearn to be apart of Celebration Center, the Lord is bringing them through so much, and moving them out into the streets. I long to be part of the prayer movement back in Redlands. A prayer movement that is almost 24/7! Why God! Why can't be apart of that? I even would love to be in Redding or in Kansas City at the international house of prayer. I want to shout to the crowds and proclaim the Lord's Victories!

So Why do He have me here? What am I to do? What can I bring? ...nothing.

nothing without You. I am poor Lord. I lack! I fail! I need you! Lord I had such a passion for prayer on this campus. But how come it isn't happening? God where did that passion go? I know it is still there, I can feel it deep down. Stir it up Lord. I want to be apart of these great ministries at other places, but why can't I look at where I am now and see a vision of prayer here at Cal State? I lack Lord. I fail.

Purify my heart, oh Lord! Cleanse me from deep within. Bring me through the Refiner's fire. My heart's one desire is to be holy and set apart for you, my Master, you my King, you My God! I want to be ready to do your will.

Alright Alright!

I guess I need to post... Jason won't stop whimpering.
well hmmm... Let's see.
so I guess you can say that the lord has been teaching me to let go. Let go of the branches that are so familiar and secure and just drift in the flow of God's grace and plan. Why do we trust ourselves more than we do God? mmhmm...

but then can I let go to much? And just not care about all this stuff that I need to do... So now I need balance.
I feel like this week was going like 120 mph. Then it just all of a sudden came to a screeching halt! It's waiting for the light to turn green so it can peel out and speed on through again. But here I am Thursday night and need to run to catch up with it.
I guess this is were I stop being lazy and do my part, but still rest in knowing that God will give me that adrenaline that I need.

mmhmm I guess.. That's what is supposed to happen... I don't know. I know I do need to work on my resume and I don't want to but I have to. So I guess I will go do that. ...You know I think it's okay to first go spend sometime with God. Yes.